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Freshwater Muscle

by 10,000 Blades

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1.
I've lived here for my whole life this is where I plan to die I left to go to college I left to bag myself up a wife and have the midwest up and punch me in the eye and it's been eight years, a long eight years since I moved a couple steps to the right the view from this cul de sac confirms my deepest fears about what used to be my driveway tonight and this is the place where I waited for my mom when I missed the bus in the first grade this is the place where I got my face kicked in this is the place where I got my nose broken
2.
I'm going to a place where I feel like I'm shit out of luck where people overuse words like "privilege" and "construct" I don't understand their humor and I'm angry that they're laughing It turns out some people aren't afraid to hit a man with glasses it's a problem when you've got a big mouth and you need glasses to see I want to be bigger and better than me I'm going back to the land of the Minnesota Skyway back to the land of subdivisions by the highway back to the land of diabetes and uneasy smiles watching my friends throw half-full beers at a daycare here in the land of my first STD scare I hope to God I can make it through this week I'd like to believe that I know where I really want to be It's the shit you hate that makes you human it turns out other people also like Randy Newman and it's nice to have someone just as hateful, if not more so, than me.
3.
You Die 03:27
Passed out naked on the bathroom floor last night sometimes I think I should cast myself in a better light I get worse as I get older more secure when I'm hung over I hope you will smile when I tell you you were right about me I'm not about that small pond shit anymore I want to do something better and I don't have to try and make friends with those kids if I don't want to and I don't want to they raise their voices when they know they're being polite so everyone will say "oh, but he's so nice" I've been around for a while and I think I might know better I found something yesterday that left me with a big fucking shit eating smile and I think I can honestly say that I haven't felt this way in a while and I've been trying my best at things that make me feel awake and alive I won't let them ruin this for me 1, 2, 3, 4 fuck you die passed out naked on the bathroom floor again
4.
I found my grandfather's blood on a tissue in his tacklebox. He hasn't bled in fifteen years. I noticed that my father didn't go down to the basement. I wonder what it's like for him going down there. The winter has been mild and I've been so afraid but right now I can smile because it's nine degrees outside and that's fucking wonderful to me So I told my grandmother about the drink I named for her. She didn't get my humor, but she was appreciative nonetheless
5.
this is a solitary act it lets you know you're not so trapped things will get better in three weeks when you come home for now you've got nerves of steel reserve when the hell are you going to learn? you'd better shut your mouth before you get yourself disown I see you biting the hair on your knuckles you lummox, you bastard, you coward, you cuckold and tearing the moss from this fast unrolling Stone but there is hope in the way you hate everything It helps you to cope and it gives you a reason to sing It says together, we can kill the day-glo colors or at least we can run them the fuck out of our little town when you're told, "boy, I feel bad for your mother," you say "my mother wouldn't want a bastard like you around" and you've said so many times "earth angel, earth angel, will you please be mine? oh my darling beer, I will take you all the time" and you spilled yourself on the floor of someone else's house something you yourself would get mad about it's ok because you're injured and in your prime it's what you need to convince yourself you're doing fine remember when you wrote that song? remember what she said about it? she said "you wrote that song back when you were angry" I hate everything about everything I want everyone to eat shit and die I looked it up on WebMD--this is good for my health feeling this way is keeping me alive
6.
Li'l Poppa 03:47
ten years ago at eleven years old I found out that your bones were destroying your bones and I screamed and I cried I don't want you to die I don't want you to die I don't want you to die you said you were fine and you said not to worry in the house of my grandfather we had just buried you said you were lucky and that you had time I'm glad you were right and I'm glad you're alive but it was hard on my mother it was hard on me it was hard on the rest of our family and the things that the doctors pumped in your veins made you fat and they rendered you clinically insane and the badge that you wore to show that you weren't yet dead was an unsightly hole in the back of your head you don't hurt anymore you are healthy and you've mellowed out quite bit we all knew one day you'd run out of luck so I said I'd be fine and I said you'd be fine no one knows that I cried by myself in the library rocking myself back and forth like a baby don't fucking touch me. I don't need your sympathy
7.
I was born on a sunday in Bridgeport in nineteen ninety-nothing my father covered up the cross on the wall he said we don't need your god's loving and the motorcycles kept me up all night I was bar mitzvahed in 2003 about an hour from my new home I had a right to speak some false responsibilities and a reason to feel alone so with my korean-made guitar in one hand and my pubescent dick in the other I then began my lifelong quest to disappoint my mother and I still do I threw my father down the stairs over whose brain belonged to who[m] I said "Dad, I'm a man now, and that means I don't need you." I'm not an impressive man I weigh a hundred and forty pounds and I don't think anyone likes me in this goyish little town of ours I came home for the summer to try and figure out how to live yeah, we had a bit of a bummer but there still is a whole lot that we can give so send my regards to Happy Harry I woke up at one today we come home late we wake up late we start drinking right away we get fucked up during the day we did today and we aren't really trying all that hard we spent the afternoon shooting at cans in my backyard. I promise I will try harder next time.
8.
tomorrow in Chicago you will see me for the first time as a grown-ass man I hope you're impressed be me just like I hoped you'd be at that party with all the lesbians in 2010 but I fear I've lost a little of my spark and there are parts of my heart that have since grown dark but i still like building things and I still like gardening and I still run off at the mouth as much as I did when I was nineteen
9.
my friends thought they were going far getting high in the suburbs in the back of Dave's mother's car they used to quote the Wu-Tang Clan because that's what white kids do when they're on drugs that's the way that babies fall in love and they had the greatest band that never really was they went to shows and only talked amongst themselves they would stand in a circle, harmonizing softly Rob, quit being a pussy and get in the pit you know our people don't believe in hell and there was a new way to get high the humming of lights and the asphalt and the thought that you might die and it was thrilling and you made a killing selling drugs to teenagers when we were teenagers I wish I was a teenager and you were a latchkey that must have been pretty cool never having to answer to anybody doing drugs at home instead of going to school being alone in that big old house singing to yourself drunk in the mirror still it terrifies me the the things you did to deal with the fear and I think your friends were like my friends only your friends did more drugs and I always thought that my friends did a lot of drugs

about

Jon Stone - Guitar, Vocals
Sean Keith - Bass, Shouty Parts
Zachary Taylor - Drums
additional shouty parts by Hannah Stone and Katie Lentes

credits

released February 16, 2014

Jon Stone - Guitar, Vocals
Sean Keith - Bass, Shouty Parts
Zachary Taylor - Drums
additional shouty parts by Hannah Stone and Katie Lentes

photo by Cassandra Mae Brown

Recorded by Brandon Kipp at Maple Tree Studio, Beloit, WI
Mixed & Mastered By Travis Bell at Adorea recording Studio, Hamden, CT Located at "The Space"

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10,000 Blades Connecticut

10,000 Blades are a words-rock band from New Haven, Connecticut. They have played with some famous people in some cool places, and would like to rock your next simcha.

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